These past few weeks I‘ve been handling difficult cases at my work. Especially today, a patient has reminded me again of how priviledged I have been.
Everyday is indeed a struggle for me to wake up, go to work and bring my little one to the nursery. Aurélie has been toughing it up by staying in the nursery from early in the morning until late afternoon. Thank God she is healthy and that she enjoys her days with her bestfriends.
I cherish every minute of the day that I have with Aurélie. But yes, 24 hours a day seem to be just not sufficient for all the things I want or should do. And yes, the constant battle of conscience is still as nagging as it used to be, when I started to work again after the 14 months of parental leave.
There are still some evenings where I grumble and regret for not being with Aurélie during her golden years.
And yes there are some days where I scold myself, for not managing to write down her every step of development.
But honestly.. after each day seeing so many difficult patients and cases, I just can‘t bear the thought of not helping.
I am a mother and a wife indeed. I have to fulfill my obligations within my family.
But then I realize that I am also a doctor..
Knowledge always comes with duties and responsibilities. The knowledge I‘ve been acquiring in the last 14 years has to be put into use. Although it is so damn hard to stand up and drag my butt into work sometimes..
This is not about me.
This is about those people.. who are wrecked physically, psyhologically, socially, financially.. They who don‘t know where else to go.. Yes, even in this mighty country of Germany with all its stabilty and resources.
It is about being a tiny rain drop in the vast dessert.
Dear God.. please give me the strength, resilience and patience. To be of use for others.. for I‘ve been priviledged with knowledge.
Just sharing a thought before going to bed..